Thank You, Wake. You Did Us Proud.

So Tim Wakefield has retired after 17 years. You could see how tough this decision was by the emotional press conference he gave. Some people might disagree with his decision to turn down the Red Sox minor league offer, but it makes sense. There's no place to go but down, nothing to do but get injured and set aside for the younger guys coming up on their way to the major leagues. Why go out like that?

Still, it's the end of an era in Boston and with Varitek's decision coming soon and Tito and Theo moving on, the city will hardly look the same in April.

So long Wake, we'll miss you.

Personal Foul, ESPN

Dear ESPN,

Calling the Knicks' (and Jeremy Lin's) loss to the Hornets a "Chink in the Armor" was not cool. I know you're sorry now, but don't you have anyone checking articles before they hit the site?  

Defense Steps Up, Offense Gets Away With One

Well, if your defense has to wait six weeks to step up, it might as well do it when your offense has its worst outing of the season.  Despite three sacks, two interceptions and a pair of fumbles, Brady pulled off a 20-16 win with an 8 yard touchdown pass to Aaron Hernandez. You have to give Rob Ryan credit for an effective scheme against Brady but at the end of the day, he and Belichik are poised to go down in history as the winningest coach-quarterback duo in NFL history for a reason.

It's enough to make you forget about the soap opera going on in the Fenway.

Where's the Other Glamor Boy?

For some reason I can't begin to fathom, Yahoo Sports trumpeted the Pats-Jets outing as a battle of the NFL's Glamor Boys. Well, there's that super model's husband so that's one. Who's the other one? Stupid headlines aside, I still don't see any consistent defense coming from the Patriots. Thank God the Jets offensive line isn't so great but sooner or later our offense is not going to be able to compensate for the inability to stop teams from doing whatever they want. You can't depend on scoring thirty points or more all the time. The defensive schemes have got to get better as well. Even great defenses have a hard time covering man to man every play. The game played out more or less how I thought it would but I'm really starting to get nervous that this defense is never going to gel.

Tommy and the Boys Are Back!

Well, I'll take a game that looks ugly at first and turns into a win rather than last week's outing that started off pretty and ended up in a loss. Tom Brady must have enjoyed showing the folks at home in California what success looks like. I'll admit to feeling a little sad to see Richard Seymour in a Raiders shirt and on any other day I might have been pulling for him. At the end of the day Wes Welker was his usual unstoppable self and the Raiders had more penalties than they could handle but the Pats defense is still horrible. Ok, my favorite play of the game was Vince Wilfork's interception but the offense can only compensate for so long, even an offense with Tom Brady and Wes Welker on it. The Bill is supposed to be this big defensive guy. So defend already!

In more hilarious news, Hank Williams Jr got his Monday Night Football theme yanked by ESPN when he went on Fox and Friends and compared President Obama to Adolf Hitler. Dear Hank: when the only two things you have going for you are your daddy's name and one song that you've been milking for 23 years, don't screw up your gig by running your mouth. Just another one of Ophelia's rules for life: Either have a great Plan B or hang onto Plan A for all you're worth.

Sorry Papelbon, but You're No Mariano Rivera.

"Clubhouse complacency? In baseball? I mean...how excited can you get waiting ten minutes between pitches for Papp to decide to throw the fastball or the...fastball?"

This is a quote from a friend of mine (who shall remain anonymous unless he chooses to claim it) and I've gotta say, it's pretty dead on. In early 2008, while still hammering out his contract with the Red Sox, Jonathan Papelbon actually had the hubris to compare himself to Mariano Rivera. You know Mariano Rivera; he's the guy who's been shutting down games for the Yankees since Papelbon was in high school. Don't get me wrong, I had high hopes for Papelbon especially after two 30 save seasons but lately he's looked, well, average. The Red Sox have got to get more efficient in every area of pitching but it won't do them any good to get aces and strong relievers if their closers can't close out the game. Maybe taking some of the pressure off will help Papelbon get his game back. We'll talk about the bats another time, but you can only get so many hits out of your lineup, it all starts with pitching. So go get some pitching Theo and please don't throw millions of dollars away on worthless free agents who won't get you anything when you try to unload them in a year or two. Oh and if I ask super nicely, can I get a freakin' shortstop please? Pretty please???

Tito Francona, Boston's Latest Scapegoat.

Good-bye Tito. For what it's worth I think you're getting the shaft. You're not the one who can't hit a fast ball, can't pitch, can't field and can't close a game. Theo Epstein, on the other hand, seems rather adept at blowing millions of dollars on free agents who can't hit a fast ball, can't pitch, can't field and can't close a game. When's the last time we had a real shortstop Theo? Who thought Crawford and Lackey were championship personnel? Who doesn't think that Beckett is over? Do you suppose Wakefield is going to live forever? Tito, I think you worked miracles getting this assortment of personnel anywhere near the wild card race and for that I thank you. I thank you for the two championships and five playoff appearances. I thank you for doing what no other coach has done in Boston since 1918.  Mostly I thank you for bringing us some of the best baseball this ungrateful town has ever seen, and for doing it with composure and decency. I'm sure you have a job already, I imagine the Cubs are wondering right now if you can do in Chicago what you did in Boston and I see no reason why you can't. Quite honestly, if what you've accomplished in Boston isn't good enough for the Red Sox front office, I have no idea who could possibly fit the bill but as long as Theo Epstein is picking talent it's going to be an uphill climb for your successor. Good luck, Tito, wherever you land.

In somewhat related news, John Henry suffered minor injuries on his yacht today. I was nowhere near the marina, I swear.